Stylish, brutal, clever, with cunning squint – and all yours. So you think the first time. And then you realize – he chose you solely to bathe in your love from dawn to dusk. Moreover, he prefers to bathe alone because of the fact that love is a word (and feeling) for him unfamiliar and opposite.
And the main passion in life is him. Around this person, the entire world should be spinning, and you are, first and foremost, more intense than others. Because he is handsome and gorgeous, and you have not changed all his costumes, and in general – where is the dinner and slippers?
- Causes of male narcissism
- 8 signs of male narcissus
- Treat male narcissism – or escape?
Causes of male narcissism – why does he love only himself?
Everyone wants to be respected, appreciated, loved, etc.
But one of the first rules is love and respect for oneself. After all, who will love and respect us if we do not do this ourselves? Do you let go of yourself? You will be pounded. Do you let your family sit on your neck? You will sit on your neck. Etc.
That is, how we treat ourselves, and will treat us. But love for oneself should not go beyond the bounds of adequacy and turn into the satisfaction of one’s own self.
Unfortunately, some men (and women too) simply do not see this face, and narcissism begins to manifest itself in all spheres of life. And the hardest part is when he emerges in a family life.
What is this narcissism – part of a personality, or is it a mental disorder?
What are the causes of development?
- Parental oppression and pampering. The main roots of narcissism are in the “drama” of his parents. Most often, narcissistic males grow up in families where ordinary child life is replaced by a cult of achievement and success. “You must do it,” “You’ll do it,” “You’re the best, the very first, the fastest,” etc. Pushing all your unrealized dreams into the child, admiring his successes and replicating these successes everywhere, with the child, parents keep a distance, communicating fairly detached and cold. The child gets used to being the “best” and “first”, but grows up without knowing what love is.
- Attention deficit. Successes and achievements of the child in this case – just an attempt to draw the attention of mom and dad. Neither cares, nor cares the child from them does not see. The deficit of love in childhood reflects on the adult person’s desire to take, without offering anything in return.
- “Perekhvalili.” This is most often the fault of mothers. “You have the best of all,” says Mom, knowing full well that other children drew much better. “You were steeper than anyone in this competition!” (Despite the fact that the child took the 12th place). “You sing like an angel!” Etc. You need to be frank with the child. Yes, I do not want to offend a child, but there must be criticism! It just needs to be constructive and soft. By raising children to the rank of super heroes and Olympic “gods”, selecting the “bad / good” guidelines and offering everything they want on the plates, we doom them not an unhappy adult life.
- The influence of the media, the Internet, TV. Information received by a child (adolescent) from outside, in most cases today bears a message – to be a consumer, to love yourself, to think only of yourself, to buy all the most precious: “You deserve better”, “You must simplify life,” ” You are unique, “and so on. The era of consumption has so widely spread across cities and heads that consumption has become a way of life. Simple human feelings are gradually replaced by the most primitive desires, for the sake of which many young people live. Naturally, a joint life with a man who knows only his “I want”, becomes difficult and eventually ends in divorce.
Typical mistakes girls – that in any case can not tell the guy?
As for narcissism after 40 years – it is usually caused by loss of landmarks and disappointment in oneself and own values.
The new relationship that a man gets, being in a state of “the train does not go any further, everything is gone, I do not want anything, it’s too late to develop”, they are initially difficult to form.
He, who lived for so many years exclusively for himself, has already simply forgotten that in love it is also necessary to give.
8 signs of a male narcissist – what kind of relationship does he have with a woman?
Communication with a beautiful sex for narcissus proceeds “in the best traditions of house construction”. Thought you were beautiful and clever? He will convince you of the opposite. And you’ll even believe that you were always ugly with a low “ay-kyu,” and that only in the rays of his beauty and glory you can live.
If you are thinking – “but not my darling daffodil” – note whether there are other symptoms in his behavior …
- He involuntarily or intentionally influences your self-esteem (the victim must be absolutely submissive and completely manageable, and for this it needs to be omitted as low as possible).
- He professionally manages you , playing with compelling to do even what you would never have done.
- With him, you lost your self-confidence , and your complexes have nowhere to add. How to get rid of the inferiority complex in 12 simple steps and, finally, respect yourself?
- His self-affirmation is mainly among women – at home, among friends and relatives, at work, etc. He is afraid of self-assertion among men.
- You adore his “cubes” on your stomach and big strong hands, his gaze and voice drive you crazy, but life with him sucks out of you all the juices . You are exhausted morally and physically.
- You constantly feel guilty. Well, he, of course, is always right.
- His “I” is always above everything and ahead of everything, including the two of you. Not “we were at a restaurant”, but “I took her to a restaurant”, not “at home”, but “at my house”, not “I want to eat”, but “I want to eat”, etc.
- Narcissus is not capable of sympathy. He is not emotional at all. You will not wait for him to pat you on the head when you are sad, or give a hand, when you get off the bus, or hold you to yourself if you are scared. And to hear from him “I love” – in general something beyond the limits of space.
- He loves publicity and pathos. He constantly extols himself and looks at the world from above.
- He does not take criticism categorically. Any comment by a woman causes aggression, discontent or disregard. Because he is perfect, and your place is in the kitchen.
- He loves himself very much. To beautiful fashionable clothes, delicious food, maximum comfort, expensive cars and slippers to his coming from work. And the fact that you go in sewn pantyhose – this is your problem.
Treat male narcissism – or escape?
Is it possible to envy narcissus? Someone will say – “yes, they need to learn!”.
But, in fact, it only seems that the narcissus is simply a successful perfectionist with a minimal need for feelings. In life, daffodils are externally pompous and arrogant, and in fact – extremely extremely lonely people with “black holes” inside and constant depressions from their own failures and “imperfections of the world”.
Of course, life with daffodil is insanely complicated. It is ideal only in one case: if you are ready to give yourself all alone to him, bathe it daily in your love, unquestioningly take it “as is”, forget that you also want love.
What can be the relationship with the daffodil in principle?
There are several models of such families:
- Sacrifice. He is a narcissist, you are a neurotic person with a set of self-sacrifice. You give yourself to him, he takes everything that is given to him: the balance is observed, and everyone is happy.
- Competition. Both of you are daffodils. Joint life will be a painful, but fun game.
- Hopelessness. You endure his selfishness, because “there are no options” (there is nowhere to go, there are no other men, too in love, sorry for children, etc.).
Unfortunately, most often such family stories end in divorce. Therefore, the question – and what to do if I love him – remains relevant.
And really, what can be done? After all, it is impossible to re-educate narcissus.
- First of all, do not let him sit down on your head. A man should remember that you have your own interests, feelings and desires.
- Create more situations in which you have to do something with you – pull it to joint actions. Cook? Let it help. Relax? Only together. Friends came? Or you entertain them together, or self-service. Do you want clean, ironed shirts by morning? Let it help with lessons to children, you are not a horse. Be smarter and wiser.
- Know how to insist on your own and say “no” .
- Cherish in it the qualities that the daffodil does not have. Any manifestations of feelings need to be “watered” like green sprouts in a drought.
And most importantly – remember that in a pair everything should be in half.
If such rules of the game do not suit him, you can not even change a serious conversation, and you are tired enough that you want to cry and run, then it’s time to think – do you really need such a relationship?
Have you had similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!