All of us on a subconscious level are afraid of loneliness. But one of the most difficult moments in a woman’s life is a divorce after years of marriage. Moreover, if a woman is already over 40. The collapse of marriage, the collapse of hopes, and it seems that ahead – only darkness.
But in fact – life is just beginning! The main reasons for divorce after 40
How less painful is it to experience a divorce for a woman?
Life of a woman after a divorce – as it happens …
Learning to be happy and successful!
The main reasons for the divorce after 40 years – the crisis is to blame, or something else?
The banal reason “did not agree with the characters” there is no sense to consider. People can not “not get along”, having lived more than ten years in marriage. And even if you lived 3-5 years – also there is no point to consider, because it’s not about teenagers, but about adults who understand perfectly – with whom they create a family.
So, what are the reasons behind the divorce of people who have crossed the 40-year threshold?
- Gray hair in a beard. One of the most “popular” reasons. Moreover, the initiator of parting in this case is most often a man. A woman at this age is too tightly attached to the family and understands too well that she is no longer as attractive as 20 years ago. “A young cute little face” has broken many families, alas.
- Children have grown, and nothing in common is left. So, there is no love for a long time. And there was just waiting for the moment when the kids got to their feet, and the conscience for the divorce would not be excruciating.
- Lost communication with each other. We were uninteresting to each other. There is no love, no passion, no attraction, there is not even anything to talk about. Or one left in self-development (and in everything else) far ahead, and the second remained on the same step. Conflict of worldviews is inevitable.
- Career. They just forgot that they are family. Race on the career ladder and extraneous interests took so much that for them two nothing left. Joint interests have remained in the past.
- Life and fatigue from each other. Seldom does anyone manage to keep this deck of a family boat in its original form. Gray everyday life is usually overwhelmed with the head, and in place of “dear, what should you cook for breakfast” and “favorite, grab your favorite cakes on the way from work?” Come “let me calmly read, I’m tired” and “call the plumber, I do not to the leaking faucets. ” Mal by little love begins to choke in these gray everyday life and once goes to the bottom completely.
- Finance. This reason can manifest itself in different ways. 1 – he does not like to overwork, and she “plows in 3 shifts”. 2 – he earns enough, but treats her like a housemaid. 3 – she earns more than him, and male pride is hurt and crushed. And so forth. The result is everywhere the same: scandals, misunderstanding, divorce.
- They have changed. He became too heavy to rise, rough, quick-tempered, always tired and irritated, in old slippers and stretched tights. Or she is always tired and irritated, with a “migraine” in the evenings, with cucumbers on her face and in an old robe. Those two who wanted to please each other every minute, no more. And if there are no, then love – too.
- Alcohol. Alas, also a common reason. More often – from the side of a man. Charter to fight, a woman simply submits for divorce.
The reasons may be more than we listed. But the most important thing remains one: two cease to listen to each other and hear , understand and trust.
Life of a woman 40 years after the divorce – sketches from nature
Undoubtedly, the divorce after 40 years is extremely painful if the couple lived together many years full of events.
Women always perceive this blow as personal betrayal .
There are not so many scenarios for such separation:
- He finds a young substitute for the “old” wife and creates a new family. The “old” wife falls into depression, withdraws into herself, moves away from everyone and locks herself in her “cell” into a pillow.
- He leaves. She calmly releases him , silently putting the suitcase on the stairs, and, after burning a couple of minutes, goes headlong into love of herself – now there is definitely time for herself and her dreams.
- He leaves. She comes to the conclusion that it is already old and nobody needs it. Inferiority complexes start not just “sucking under the spoon”, but to beat the drums. The collapse of hopes is poured by burning tears without interruption. Without support just can not do.
- He leaves. She, accustomed to living on her husband’s maintenance, remains with the broken trough – without work, livelihoods and even chances to get a decent salary. These cases are considered to be the heaviest, because an abandoned woman is half bad, and an abandoned woman with no job is a serious problem. If the wife is not used to work, then it will be more difficult to join the independent life.
So, what can not be done categorically?
- Trying to keep him. He hardly flirts with you (men at this age do not sin with such “checks”), so do not you dare cry, beg to stay, exchange his location for the promise “all for your sake, just stay”, etc. Remember about its pride and dignity! Let him go. Let him go.
- Fall into nostalgia. Stop filtering photos, shed tears for happy moments from the past, waiting for his steps on the stairs and calls in the phone. All is over, and expectations are meaningless – they only aggravate your condition.
- To pour grief on alcohol or tablets.
- Retaliate . This can be attributed as bold plans such as “pull out the braids of this young contagion” or “I’ll sip off the reptile everything, leave without pants”, and gossip and other mucks that the former woman dissolves about her husband. Both are disgraceful to a wise woman (no matter how offended and offended she may be). Do not go down to such actions in any case – it will affect your negative attitude.
- Wait for his return. Do not rely on it. Even the smallest chance of his return can not be left. You just exhaust yourself with meaningless expectations. Very rarely, men after a break at this age return to the family.
- Lower your hands and go with the flow. You are not a cat that the master threw into the street. And not a suitcase without a pen. You are an adult, beautiful, self-sufficient woman who can do anything! And Basta! Other options are not discussed.
- To revel in self-pity. And let others feel sorry for you. Of course, you can cry for a day or two, paint mascara on the cheeks, throw gifts on the wall, shred joint photos of anger, etc. But nothing more! You have a new life – full of new joys and impressions!
- To go headlong into work and devote oneself completely to grandchildren and children. You are not 100 years old, and it’s too early to put a cross on yourself. Very soon you will realize that 40 years is the very beginning of a new, fantastically interesting and generous gift for life.
- Find a replacement for her husband. This is not the case when the “wedge wedge …”. Nothing good, if you start all the hard, you do not expect – only disappointment. Do not look for anyone, do yourself and your unfulfilled dreams. And your half (exactly half!) – she will find you.
- Fall to your children like snow on your head. Yes, they are worried about you and sympathize with you very much, but this does not mean that you urgently need to bring down the avalanche of your attention and concern for already adult children, who simply do not need your attention so much.
- To panic because of solitude. Yes, at first it will be unusual to sleep, eat, watch movies alone, come home to an empty house, cook for one yourself and not rush from work. But very soon you will find in this situation and a lot of pluses !
How to live 40 years after the divorce – we learn to be happy and successful!
Well, who told you that after forty lives there, there is no happiness, and there is nothing at all? You were not abandoned – you were released! And the reason, most likely, is not in you.
Therefore, we stop feeling sorry for ourselves and confidently step onto the road of success and happiness !
- We begin the operation – “let everyone be stunned by the way I look!” . Take care of your body, skin, hair. You must be irresistible and look “one hundred percent”. Change your hair, change the style, change your handbag, furniture in the apartment, diet and your lifestyle.
- Looking for pros in a new, free from the “monster and satrap” of life! This is required. In order not to fall into despondency on long winter evenings, borrow them with what you could not afford during your family life. Surely you have dreams and plans, which have not reached the hands. By the way, now you can safely lie on the couch in what the mother gave birth and with cucumbers on her face, drink a cocktail through a straw and watch snotty strawberry melodramas, which he did not like. And you can not cook, but just order dinner in the restaurant. Well, in general, there is much more to do, when no one requires dinner, does not shake your nerves, does not occupy TV and spoils the mood with its acidic physiognomy and “pumped” beer torso.
- Get rid of the complexes! Immediately and categorically. You do not have any shortcomings! Some virtues. Just some of them need to be adjusted a little.
- Public opinion – before the bulb! In the “black list” it. Usually, there is no sincerity under the sympathy of the numerous “girlfriends”, relatives and colleagues. Or on-duty questions, or the habit of “digging in someone else’s clothes,” or just curiosity. Therefore, take it as a rule – not to discuss your divorce, your state and your opinion “about that parasite” with anyone. This does not concern anyone. Believe me, it will become much easier for you when you start to play “sympathizers” with simple and accessible “not your dog’s business”.
- Take self-development. What did you really want, but did not reach your hands? Maybe you are asleep artist, landscape designer or realtor? Or maybe you dreamed of going to directing courses? Or for a long time wanted to learn to dance on the pylon? The time has come! Do not waste it for serials, crossword puzzles and breeding cats.
- We fulfill our dream! Dreams – they must come true. And right now we need to start with the very first and most important. What did you always really, really want, but my husband was against (there was no money, children were interfering, etc.)? Remembered? Forward – to its implementation! No more obstacles on the way to your dream.
- Learn to be a positive person. Start with your environment and the micro world around you. Now exclusively: beautiful things, nice people, kind and funny films, favorite procedures, etc. Live so that every day brings you joy!
- Need to speak out, and no one? Get your blog under an assumed name. Or a page on a literary site (by the way, do you not, incidentally, the talent of a writer or a poet?). And pour out your heart-rending stories there! Only the names do not forget to change. Then you – and the extra negative “merge”, and writing exercises (beautiful speech and your own style still did not interfere with anyone), and communicate with people in the comments.
- Feel like a woman. You do not have to go to a monastery, and you do not need to wait until the end of mourning. Of course, it’s not worth while rushing to the very first “nice train”, but it’s not necessary to stay out in the girls-for a brilliant to shine, he needs a frame! And cut. So go to the beauty salon and do not deny yourself anything (once we live, after all).
- Change the job if you dreamed of another or just decided to change everything “from and to.” The main thing is that you have enough for all your dreams and small pleasures.
- Do not sit alone at home. Get in the habit of always getting out somewhere. Not in order to suddenly meet the prince, but just for yourself. In the theater, in the pool, in the cinema, just sit in a cafe with a book, etc.
Divorce after the forty-crash hopes? Complete nonsense! You want to be happy – as they say, be it!
And start to love yourself – enough to live for others!
Were there similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!