The girlfriend commands and manipulates me – how to get rid of shackles, and whether such friendship is necessary?



The girlfriend commands and manipulates me - how to get rid of shackles, and whether such friendship is necessary? Emotional blackmail of friends is a very common phenomenon. Taking advantage of our weakness, trustfulness and love, sometimes people close to us (more often – unconsciously) “cross the line”. And, tormented by remorse, we go on about the “blackmailers”, sometimes without even realizing that we are just being manipulated.

When is time to say “No”?



Article content:

  • How to understand that a girlfriend is trying to control me?
  • How to behave with a friend-manipulator?
  • The girlfriend commands – but is it friendship at all?

The main types of manipulation in friendship – how to understand that a friend tries to control me?

Our friends are not born manipulators. We ourselves allow them to become so.

And we begin to feel that we are manipulated or frankly used, unfortunately, only when the only solution is to break the relationship completely.

Why is this happening?

Why are we being manipulated?

  1. We do not know how to say “no” .
  2. We pay too much attention to the opinions of others.
  3. We are afraid of conflicts.
  4. We lack strength.
  5. We try to please everyone at once.

Friendship is trust, mutual understanding and mutual assistance. But for some reason, sometimes insincerity appears in it, and a worm of doubts starts to gnaw at you from inside – something is wrong.

How to understand that your girlfriend is really manipulating you?

  • She often takes you “weakly.”
  • She never does anything unselfishly – just for you, without bestowal.
  • Even on the said phrase, she always waits for reciprocity or thanks.
  • She is always there when she is ill, and she is never near when you are bad.
  • Following nostalgic stories and lyrical digressions on the topic “and remember …”, there should always be some kind of request to you.
  • You realize that you can not trust it 100%.
  • You often swallow an insult, but do not show it to you.
  • She regularly reminds you that you are the most wonderful girlfriend.
  • It plays on your guilt feelings.
  • And so forth

Undoubtedly, it is our sacred duty to help friends. Who else, if not a friend, will substitute his shoulder at the right time, put a pillow on, give money and give an opportunity to cry?

Yes, anyone except a friend-manipulator.

If you feel exhausted after communicating with a friend and squeezed out like a lemon, if you are offended that your problems do not bother anyone again, and you are thrown out with a whole basin of absurd wailing, if you feel that her phone number you want to reset means , something is wrong “in the Danish kingdom.”

And it’s not that your girlfriend is too envious , too insolent or too bitchy. Simply you are too soft-bodied and allow “to ride on yourself.”

What are the manipulators?

  • Owner. In this case, the girlfriend just manages your whole life, gives orders and instructions, and gets great pleasure from the power over you. You are afraid to disobey her, because “she is a friend, and wants only good.” You are forced to follow her urgent advice, otherwise “she will be offended.” And in general it is authority, and you are so.
  • The orphan. Type manipulator-girlfriend, which is very sharp mind, cunning and love for yourself. She constantly presses on pity, fishing out of you any help. Can come / call in the middle of the night with another problem, bellow you a week or two at your expense for unhappy love or brazenly ask you to go to the country, because “you urgently need to escape from the city, and you – the only person who understands, listens and will help”. Or throw down on you work, children, relatives, etc., to gallop “on urgent business.” Well, and so on. Such people never change. They are just themselves (and, alas, others too) vampires, and they do not pose a life without nagging. This is their comfort zone.
  • The aggressor. This manipulator controls you with a “hard hand”, do not disdain to be rude, press, periodically humiliate, etc. Reply “in the same spirit” does not work out because of fear. And suddenly answer? And suddenly revenge? Or even – and suddenly right? With such manipulators is the hardest.
  • Dobryachok. The most probably the most common type of manipulators that we meet among friends, relatives, and in general very often. Such people manipulate us really from the heart, naively believing that for us “it will be better”. But in fact they tightly bind us on the hands and feet with phrases like “I have done so much for you”, “Yes, how can you after everything”, “You do not need it, I know you like no one”, etc.
  • Arrogant and cunning. These manipulators simply use us. Without a twinge of conscience. Do not bother with anything, playing on our weaknesses, as dealers are scams.

How to behave with a friend-manipulator – learn counter-manipulation!

Even if you could “figure out” your manipulator, it does not save you from his influence.

That is, you need to take action.

Or not accept (it’s like someone like it).

If, nevertheless, you decided that it’s time to put the “torturer” in your place – learn the methods of counter-manipulation!

  • Do not get carried away with intimate conversations with the manipulator and generally put less about yourself personal, hidden in the depths of your soul. Otherwise, once everything you say is used against you.
  • Do not try to be good for everyone. It’s just impossible. You can not please everyone.
  • Learn to say no and give up what you do not like. Too much pressure on you? Tell her straight! Again he wants to drop his kids on you to “run to the polyclinic” for the 10th time in a month? Let him look for a nanny, you also have things to do. Do not let yourself sit on your neck! Usually, then no one is driven out.
  • Do not be afraid to offend and hurt your friend-manipulator with your refusal! Think about your comfort, not the feelings of a person who allows you to use.
  • Do not threaten, do not be rude, do not insult: Be as polite and tactful as possible, but sure and firm in your refusal. Do not even give us the chance to convince you, but do it gently. In general, be diplomatic.
  • Never answer immediately important questions “on the forehead.” Be sure to take a pause “to think”.
  • Understand yourself. Perhaps you just misbehave and yourself go on about a friend.
  • Learn to make your own choice. Only you have the right to decide where, in what and with whom you walk, how to eat and sing, etc.
  • Do not try to save everyone. Mother Teresa you still do not become (this must be devoted to life). Of course, becoming a soulless bitch is also not an option, but learn to balance yourself between your comfort and help to other people. Help to the best of your strengths, abilities and, of course, desires.
  • Never make excuses. Be calm, like a boa constrictor, in every phrase and in every action.
  • Do not let the manipulator lie to you. Immediately bite and reprove the lie and falsehood.
  • Smile and wave! The tactics are simple: agree and nod, but do it your own way. Over time, the manipulator will understand that you will not be able to ride.
  • Dare to “jump off the topic” ​​. Learn from the same manipulators. If you do not like the topic of the conversation – pretend that you do not understand, and urgently run “to a meeting” (to a polyclinic, to a hungry dog, etc.), promising to think and figure it out. Or just translate the topic – brazenly and demonstratively.

Of course, if you are ready to fight back, then prepare yourself for labeling. Now you will be selfish, injurious, etc. for your girlfriend.

And you will cease to be perfect.

But you will have respect for yourself and self-esteem.

This is your life, and your freedom, and it’s up to you to decide how to dispose of them.

The child-manipulator – how to bring up the manipulator and what to expect?

The girlfriend commands and manipulates me - how to get rid of shackles, and whether such friendship is necessary? The girlfriend commands and manipulates me - how to get rid of shackles, and whether such friendship is necessary?

Girlfriend commands and controls me – but is it friendship at all?

Can manipulation be harmless?

Perhaps, if the actions of a friend do not seriously harm your personal comfort.

If you can change the situation and “re-educate” your friend without compromising your friendship, then of course there is a reason to keep it.

But usually, as life shows, manipulators are people for whom it’s not we who are important, but what they can get from us.

Does it make sense to friends who allow themselves to us to use? Which are next, only when we need them?

And which never is, when we need them …

Were there similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Leave a Reply