Contrary to the opinion of the common man, the modern guest marriage is not a figurative expression at all, but a real reality, in which (and, oddly enough, many are very successful), mostly star couples, or forced by circumstances for a long time to love each other in the distance. In such pairs there is also a stamp in the passport, and children, and official relations. There is not only a common joint farm and warm family dinners every evening, because “guest” spouses live only on weekends and holidays. If, of course, they do not drop work.
Is such a marriage necessary, and is the game worth the candle?
The content of the article:
- Pros of a guest marriage
- What are the complications to expect from a separate residence?
- Examples of successful guest marriage from the life of the stars
Pros of a guest marriage – who benefits from a marriage without cohabitation?
In the pre-revolutionary period, guest marriages often occurred in families of nobles, in which husbands engaged in matters of national importance and visited wives and children living in the village, only on occasion.
Today, you will not see such a marriage. What other marriages are there?
And many even find in it their advantages:
- You can not change your way of life, work and residence, if you are from different countries or cities. Warm encounters on the weekends are a complete romance.
- If you are 30-40 years old, you have an unsuccessful experience of family life, and you have to re-live the “hell” of living together, re-get used to other people’s habits and share personal space, then guest marriage is an ideal option.
- You are creative people who are constantly on the road (at concerts, at exhibitions, tours, etc.), and living together is impossible for you physically. Guest marriage in this case gives a sense of stability: after all, even after 3-4 months of absence you will be waited, and you will be happy.
- No stepfathers and stepmothers for children. They do not have to worry about the presence of someone else’s uncle or an outsider, and also experience scandals of their parents. A family boat does not storm, and the psyche of children, who were originally accustomed to this way of life of their parents, is in perfect order.
- Inviolability of personal space and own freedom of movement. Spouses do not report to each other – where they are, what they do, how much they will come home. Personal freedom harmoniously (though not all) is combined with a sense of family.
- No domestic slavery. Do not have to stand every evening at the stove, wash the whole family, etc.
- You can linger at work, sit in a cafe with friends late, fill the refrigerator to your taste. No one is waiting for a report on your actions, and there is no need to put up with other’s “bad” habits.
- Spouses see each other as exceptionally beautiful, cheerful, joyful. And not in a home dressing gown with cucumbers on the face and bloating. Or in worn-out slippers and “workouts” with outstretched knees on the couch with a newspaper.
- In the evening, you can wander around in your family’s underwear, drink beer, throw socks by the bed. Or without makeup, thrust his feet into the basin with a decoction, chat with her friends under the TV series on TV. And no one will mind. Relations do not overlap with everyday life, leaving overcrowded buckets of buckets, unwashed dishes, heartburn and bloating, and other family “joys”. The candy-bouquet period can last indefinitely.
- Relationships do not get boring. Every meeting is welcome.
Cons of a guest marriage – what are the complications to expect from a separate residence?
According to statistics, 40% of married couples live in modern Europe by guest marriage. Family relationships around the world have completely different traditions and are sometimes built on different principles.
As for Russia, here, according to sociological forecasts, the “marriage of the day off” will not soon be able to supersede the classical form of the family.
Too many disadvantages in it:
- It’s extremely difficult to live separately, remaining loving spouses. It is peculiar for a person to get out of people, to acquire new acquaintances, to get used to his own life, in which, over time, a spouse who lives somewhere far away simply does not fit in.
- It is difficult for children to live in a “guest” family. That dad’s not around for a long time, then mom. To live with them in turn is difficult. And for the psyche of a young child, constant travel and in general are harmful. In addition, a child who has been observing this form of marriage since childhood, starts to consider it a norm, which will undoubtedly affect his views in the future. What can we say about psychological complexes, which will acquire a crumb of adolescence.
- No one will bring you a mug of tea in the evening or a glass of water when it’s bad. No one will embrace when you are scared, anxious or sad. No one will call a doctor if there are health problems.
- The physical and psychological contact that the spouses have in an ordinary family, in a guest marriage, is “inaccessible” , as the phone is out of reach. But it is this kind of contact that strengthens marriage, ties two lives together, gives a feeling of confidence and security.
- If one happens to happen to one of the spouses, the second (s) will not sit next to his bed. Exceptions are rare! Such partners are so immersed in their own separate lives that it is extremely difficult to change them dramatically, even for the sake of a loved one.
- The desire to acquire children, as a rule, faces complete rejection of such a turn of events. What are the children when you live separately? Another issue is if your marriage became a guest after the birth of the children, and the transition from the classic version of the family to the guest was mild and gradual. But even in this case, it will be hard for the mother: children, sleepless nights, chickenpox and ARD, lessons are all on the mother. Guest marriage in this situation becomes unequal. Sooner or later the pope will have to move to the family or file for divorce.
- Any test is a failure for a guest marriage. Whether it is a serious illness, loss of housing or other serious problem.
Well, and most importantly. Guest marriage is doomed, and it’s only a matter of time. Can you imagine yourself as a 90-year-old married couple who voluntarily live in different cities or homes because “you value your freedom too much”? Of course not. It’s impossible. Guest couples are doomed to parting.
Examples of marriage with separate living from the world of famous people – we learn to preserve relationships by examples
In the comments on the “predilection” of stars for extraterritorial marriages, psychologists note that for bohemians this kind of marriage is sometimes the only possible. And, oddly enough, often even happy.
Your attention – the most famous examples of guest starry marriages.
- Monica Bellucci and Vincent Cassel
Refusing to be “just a mistress,” the Italian marries a Frenchman after he has an accident.
молодо Immediately after the wedding, the newlyweds travel to “their” countries: Vincent remains in France, Monica lives in England and Italy.
Happiness of a guest marriage surely flows into the happiness of a classical marriage, as soon as a couple has a daughter – her needs proved to be more important than imaginary freedom.
- Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter
These spouses lived a guest marriage for 13 years – first in neighboring countries, then in neighboring mansions, connected by a common corridor.
The strongest Hollywood couple, the famous director and many beloved actresses, had a son, and in 4 years and a daughter, after which they decided to finally settle down, relocating to London.
But the happiness did not last long. Burton’s alterations and provocative images in the newspapers were the last reefs for a starry couple. Remaining friends, they agreed on joint custody of children.
- Vladimir Vysotsky and Marina Vladi
This was the brightest and strongest guest marriage, about which a lot is filmed and written in the press. They lived in different countries and talked on the phone all night long.
Sometimes one of them could not stand the separation and flew to Paris or Moscow. All holidays – only together!
12 years of love and passion – until the death of Vysotsky.
- Ludmila Isakovich and Valery Leontiev
Together with his bass player Leontiev lived a civil marriage for 20 years. Only then the marriage was legalized, and after a while it grew into a guest.
Today, the spouses live on different sides of the ocean: he is in Moscow, she is in Miami. Periodically they fly to each other or meet in Spain.
The head of the family believes that feelings are only growing stronger at a distance.
Of course, the most important thing is respect and trust in marriage, which, alas, can not be maintained by all “guest” couples.
Has your experience of guest marriage been in your life? Share your stories in the comments below!